Donna’s Blog: Writing to Heal

Holiday Stress and the Myth of the Perfect Family Gathering

holiday stress
Discuss and plan for challenging family gatherings in advance to reduce holiday stress. | Image Source: Drazen Zigic / iStock

Manage Your Expectations and Prepare for Challenging Family Interactions

Are you feeling the pressure of the holiday season? You’re not alone. The holidays aren’t always as happy and perfect as movies and commercials make them seem. In my workshops across the country, many people share that they have mixed emotions or feel anxious before family gatherings. Some even dread spending time with extended family, especially when past hurts haven’t been acknowledged. It’s completely understandable to feel this way, and you’re not the only one navigating these complicated emotions.

Reduce Holiday Stress by Creating a Plan for Stressful Family Gatherings

In this month’s Substack article, I write about holiday stress and share practical tips you can start doing now to help you and your family navigate the challenges of family gatherings with more confidence and peace this holiday season. 

But don’t wait—start planning now with your family for how to handle challenging get-togethers. For example, consider creating a code word or hand signal to use when someone feels overwhelmed and needs a break. Take time to identify which family members tend to trigger you most and how their behavior usually makes you feel. Recognizing these triggers ahead of time can help you maintain emotional distance in the moment and avoid reacting impulsively. Finally, prepare direct responses to set boundaries with difficult relatives. Check out my Substack article for more helpful examples.

I also include a Vagal System Nurturing exercise to help you regain composure and stay centered in the moment. The vagus nerve is a vital part of the body’s stress response, playing a key role in mood regulation and overall well-being. You can calm and relax the vagus nerve by practicing breathing exercises that slow your heart rate and help your body relax. The simple, 60-second exercise is perfect to use before family events and to reduce holiday stress. You can also try it during a family gathering—just slip away to the bathroom—or (if you aren’t the one driving!) practice it in the car on your way home.

Thank you to everyone who has supported my work and continues to do so—I’m so grateful to be able to share my ideas with you. I truly believe in your ability to create a life filled with joy, understanding, and peace. May this season bring you everything you need to nurture your heart and soul.

Yours,

Donna

P. S. If you’ve been considering my Breaking Free from Trauma course or any of my other online courses, now is the perfect time to enroll! For a limited time, I’m offering a deep discount on all courses.

My Courses

Breaking Free From Trauma is a gentle yet in-depth guided 3-hour course to transform the lasting impact of traumatic experiences, based on cutting-edge neuroscience.

Dive even deeper with my 8-hour course, Your Healing Narrative, and discover how to harness the power of your brain and nervous system to unlock new levels of peace and possibility.

Or, if you want to learn new skills to help your daughter grow and thrive, check out my course, Growing Strong Girls.

Photo Copyright © Marshall Clarke

About the Author

Donna Jackson Nakazawa is an award-winning science journalist and speaker whose work explores the intersection of neuroscience and human emotion. Her books include Girls on the Brink, Childhood Disruptedand The Angel and the Assassin. Her newest book, The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal, is available wherever books are sold. 

Special Note from Donna:

I’d love for you to join our growing community on Substack, where we’re exploring the deep connections between emotions, trauma, and health. Right now, all my articles are free, and it’s a great time to get involved as we shape this supportive space together. In the future, I’ll be offering specialized services for a fee, but for now, your presence and engagement mean the world to me. I hope you’ll consider following and supporting my work as we build something meaningful together.

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More from Donna's Blog: Writing to Heal

  • All Posts
  • Angel and the Assassin
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  • Neural Re-Narrating™️
  • The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal
  • The Last Best Cure
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