Have you ever had one of those mornings where you are late for work,  your teen isn’t ready yet, the dog is whining to go out, and you feel like if one more thing happens, you are going to burst?

I’ve been there, too.

But something surprising happens when we begin a healing journey and start tending to the old hurts from our past. The lens through which we see things changes. We stop taking everything so personally.  We pause. We look for what’s going on below the surface of things; for us, and for our kids. And sometimes, we even find the good in those chaotic family moments.

A parent shared this experience with me:

The other morning, my high schooler woke up too late to take the bus, so I would have to drive him to school. I would be late for work. He was now on a frantic search for his favorite hoodie and wouldn’t leave without it. He was being snappy when I suggested where to look. It really felt like he didn’t appreciate that I was willing to be late and drive him. A year ago, I would have lost it, yelled at him to hurry, and maybe even fit in a quick lecture on how if he would just keep his room clean, this wouldn’t happen. His attitude would have triggered me. But today, things went different.

I began to feel myself getting angry, but instead of quickly reacting, I paused and took a breath. I knew from working on my healing, that I often felt unappreciated as a child. I acknowledged this to myself, “I am the adult now.” I simply said to my son, “Tough morning?” He looked at me, surprised and said “I just don’t feel comfortable wearing anything else,”. I remembered that he’s been struggling with body image issues and told him being late wouldn’t be the end of the world, and then helped him look for his hoodie. It only took a few more seconds, because the hoodie happened to be on his bed, exactly where he left it. I feel in that moment, I was able to stop making it about me and instead just see him. His attitude had nothing to do with me. I was able to have patience and give him the compassion he needed.

This parent’s healing had created space for curiosity instead of defensiveness, which led to connection instead of conflict. This is what breaking generational trauma looks like.

Studies show that adults who’ve recognized the effect of trauma in their own lives are calmer and more mindful in the face of children’s challenging behaviors.

Breaking Generational Trauma – How to Begin

We can all do better — together. We have a responsibility to ourselves, and to our children, to heal our old pain and break the cycle of generational trauma. To do the hard work our parents couldn’t.

The good news? The brain is always changing.  Thanks to neuroplasticity, we can heal, adapt, and grow throughout our lives. Practices like journaling can help us rewire old brain patterns and strengthen new, healthier ones. Even small steps can lead to deep shifts over time.

In my latest Substack, you’ll find a gentle, creative exercise designed to bring clarity, compassion, and healing to your own story. I hope you will give it a try!

Take your time. Healing is not a race. Give yourself the space to feel, reflect, and rest. You’re doing brave and beautiful work!

Remember, the more you heal, the more love leads your parenting. You will be able to meet your child with more grace, more calm, and more connection. I believe in you.

We heal together💖
Donna

My latest Substack out now!

My Gratitude to You

Thank you to everyone who has supported my work and continues to do so. I’m so grateful to be able to share my ideas with you. I truly believe in your ability, through love and compassion, to bring about meaningful change in your lives and others.

Join the Healing Together Community

Are you longing for community? Through my Substack, I’m dedicated to creating a respectful and compassionate space where we can connect, share, and support one another. I warmly invite you to join me and be part of this growing community.

Right now, all my articles on Substack are free, and it’s a great time to get involved as we shape this supportive space together. Your presence and engagement mean the world to me! (In the future, I’ll be offering additional content, activities, and conversations for paid subscribers. If you want to support my work as a paid subscriber right now as we build this meaningful community together, thank you!) 

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Support for Your Journey

Are you looking for gentle guidance in exploring your story, uncovering the impact of past trauma, and beginning to see your life through a more healed, compassionate lens? My book, The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal,  was created to support you in that process, one step at a time. You’ll learn an array of science-based mindfulness approaches which, coupled with curated writing prompts, will help you to uncover internal resources for resiliency. This two-pronged approach, which I call neural re-narrating, will help you create new, more powerful, resonant, and purposeful healing narratives to help you flourish in your life.

✨MY LATEST BOOK: The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal

✨MY COURSES: Writing-to-Heal online courses