“When you think you’re being selfish, you’re probably not being selfish enough. Not by half.”

A friend recently said this to me when I was contemplating taking a trip alone — something I really needed to do in order to work on a book deadline — but I was feeling incredibly selfish. I kept thinking, Who am I to leave all my responsibilities behind and do something just for me?

Her words stopped me in my tracks. Because the truth is, I’ve spent so much of my life being generous to everyone else, but when it comes to myself? I really struggle. 

It can be so challenging as a wife and mother (and as a caregiver of an aging parent) to shift gears from taking care of others to taking care of ourselves. And if you experienced any childhood adversity, it makes it that much harder. Like me, you most likely learned early on to put your needs last in order to keep the peace or survive the family dynamic. Those coping mechanisms may have protected us then, but in adulthood, they no longer serve us, and can slowly undermine our health.

Studies have shown over and over again that an inability to say no, a tendency to over-please, and a habit to over-explain are tied to poorer lifelong health. In one stark finding, women who are people pleasers, and who fear speaking up for themselves, are more likely to develop autoimmune diseases and even die prematurely.

So how do we begin to stop people pleasing and prioritize our health? I explore this in my latest Substack article, offering simple but powerful ways to start putting yourself first.

If saying no feels uncomfortable, if you often worry about hurting someone else’s feelings, or if you feel selfish just for considering your own needs — and especially if you find yourself over-explaining just to keep the peace — this one is for you.

And remember: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish — it’s essential for healing.

We heal together💖
Donna

My Gratitude to You

Thank you to everyone who has supported my work and continues to do so—I’m so grateful to be able to share my ideas with you. I truly believe in your ability, through love and compassion, to bring about meaningful change in your lives and others.

Join the Healing Together Community

Are you longing for community? Through my Substack, I’m dedicated to creating a respectful and compassionate space where we can connect, share, and support one another. I warmly invite you to join me and be part of this growing community.

Right now, all my articles on Substack are free, and it’s a great time to get involved as we shape this supportive space together. Your presence and engagement mean the world to me! (In the future, I’ll be offering additional content, activities, and conversations for paid subscribers. If you want to support my work as a paid subscriber right now as we build this meaningful community together, thank you!)

Spread the Love

If you find my work beneficial, I hope you’ll share this blog post with someone else who might need encouragement and help right now.

Support for Your Journey

Do you want to stop people pleasing, and heal from the lasting effects of childhood adversity? Consider picking up a copy of my latest book, The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal, which offers support through compassionate writing prompts, digestible neuroscience, and engaging mindfulness to help you process your past, reclaim your sense of self, and move toward healing. 

✨MY LATEST BOOK: The Adverse Childhood Experiences Guided Journal
✨MY COURSES: Writing-to-Heal online courses